Writing Exercise 12: “Your call is on hold”

This exercise could actually be carried out while on hold to one of the help lines and essential services struggling to cope with a hugely increased number of calls.

Stage 1.
If you have had to make an important call lately, some of these lines may be familiar to you. All are recorded messages:
“Your call is important to us”, “All of our operators are busy”, “Please continue to hold”, “We apologise for the delay” and “You are in a queue.”
You may also have experienced a repeating musical track.
Note down your reactions or imagined reactions to each of these statements and the music when you first hear them, when you hear them half an hour later, and then when you hear them two hours later.
What might you do while waiting for a human response?

Stage 2.
Turn some of your responses into a monologue (a speech for one person) responding to the recorded messages and music. Read it aloud and edit it. You will probably want to include the recorded messages in your monologue.

Stage 3.
Now imagine what you would like to say, if you weren’t a kind and polite person, when you finally got through to talk to someone. What would this be - and what would you actually say?
Write down both versions.

Stage 4.
Now imagine you are in a call centre responding to a series of people who have been on hold for two hours or more. Imagine the physical sensation of sitting on a chair, wearing headphones and staring at a screen, unable to get up because of the volume of calls. What has your day been like so far? Write it down.

Stage 5.
Either imagine a conversation between caller and operator OR a monologue by the operator OR a monologue by the caller who, after two hours receives the message “Sorry. We were unable to connect you. Please try again later.”

You could always rehearse and record a monologue if you have a smartphone or webcam.

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